


Are You Lonesome Tonight?

by dannidaniels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Books, Broken Hearts, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Music, Romance, relationship, some brotherly love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-05-11 01:41:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5609092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannidaniels/pseuds/dannidaniels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is a single man who had been single for the past year and a half after his terrible break up. Dean's brother Sam is making him go on a blind date with his friend. Dean gets the shock of his life when he meets his date. Based of the song Are You Lonesome Tonight? By Elivs Presley.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
Are you lonesome tonight, do you miss me tonight?  
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Dean Winchester had sat at the table in Olive Garden with the blue eyed man they call Castiel Novak across from him. Sam, Dean's baby brother, set him up on this date. It was a blind date, an awkward blind date at that. Soft music played in the background as the two avoided any awkward eye contact with each other.

Dean wasn't always this awkward on dates, usually, he'd make some witty comment, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. It wasn't even Dean who broke the silence, it was his blue-eyed date.

"Listen," he leaned forward after they had ordered. Dean had ordered some ravioli, Castiel had ordered some fancy salad that Dean didn't know existed. "I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you have good grammar, you'll get it."

Dean had raised his eyebrows. He hadn't had sex in a long time, not since Lisa broke up with him a year and a half ago. Dean even turned down Bela when she wanted hot, angry sex with him. Bela was quite attractive too.

Dean nodded to Cas. "I understand," he paused for a moment. "I wasn't planning on having sex with you yet anyway," Dean paused once more. "My grammar isn't that bad, anyway."

Castiel only smiled, shaking his head at my rambling. He brought his cup of water up to his mouth, taking a small sip. He set the glass back down gently. Dean watched the man's swift movements in amazement.

"So Dean Winchester, tell me, you're a handsome man, why does your brother have to set you up on dates with men you know nothing about?"

Dean practically choked on his own spit. He glanced up at Castiel. Cas had his hands folded on top of the table, he was leaning forward with pursed lips. Dean quickly looked away.

He started watching a family a few tables down from them. A little girl was smiling and showing her mother the picture she had drawn, the mother gasped in amazement. Dean's lips twitched.

"Why do you?" Was all Dean could say in response to Castiel's question. He looked back over at his date and raised his eyebrows slightly for good measure.

Cas rolled his diamond blue eyes, letting a sigh roll off his lips. "I asked you first, Dean." Castiel's voice was hard as if he wanted to pressure Dean into answering.

Dean was smart enough to not give in. All he could do was ignore the question. As they say, you're not supposed to talk about ex's on your first date. Lisa. She tied him to her kitchen chair, she broke his throne and cut his hair. Even after all the terrible things she did to him, Dean couldn't help but love her. When he finally came to his senses, Dean was too broken to move on with someone else.

Dean wasn't going to tell Castiel that Sam was forcing him to date again. He wasn't going to tell some guy he just met his life's story. "Do you have a favorite quote?" Dean managed to peep out of his mouth.

Castiel answered almost immediately. "'I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of letting this opportunity pass us by. And I'm afraid of what happens if nothing in this world ever changes. That scares me more than dying.'" He paused for a moment as the waiter puts our food on the table. "Mavin Calore character made by Victoria Aveyard in the Red Queen." Dean watched as Castiel adjusted his bowel to be the way he wanted it to be arranged on the table. "And yours?"

Dean smiled a little. He had read the Red Queen, one of his students suggested it to him. He had a list of books his students suggested to him and he attempted to read them all. When Mavin had said that quote, he was talking to his fiancée, also known as the main character, about the assassination that they were about to commit. Mare, the main character, was nervous and asked Mavin if he was. That was the response he gave her. Of course, Mavin had been lying to her about everything. He couldn't let the assassination fail because if it did, he wouldn't become King.

"'Hill and vale do not come together, but children of men do, good and bad.'" Dean shared his favorite quote. "Opening sentence in The Two Travelers by the Brothers Grimm."

Dean read all the Brothers Grimm fairy tales the summer before he went to college. That quote had always stuck with him. It was about two men who were traveling together, each had a loaf of bread. The good man ate all of his right away because he didn't want it to get stale and moldy. The bad man, he only had a bite. After a few days, the good man was starving, begging the other for a bite. The cruel man said to him 'Only if you crave out one of your eyes and feed it to the crows.' The good man did. A few days later the same thing happened and the evil man abandoned the good man while he slept. Later the good man got his eyes back and traveled to a kingdom, where the bad man tried everything in his power to get the good man kill, but it backfire every time. In the end, the king beheaded the cruel man.

Castiel just nodded slowly, as if trying to comprehend it. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He stabbed his fork into the salad, then bringing the fork to him mouth. He chewed for a moment, Dean could see his jaw muscles clenching with every chew. "What's your favorite song?"

"Hey Jude by the Beatles," Dean stated almost immediately. He had grown up with the song. It was apart his childhood, he couldn't love any song more than he loved Hey Jude.

Cas nodded his head slowly as Dean took a bite out of ravioli, he raised his eyebrows at Cas, silently asking him what his was. Castiel took a moment to think. His eyebrows furrowed together as he thought. "Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson,"

Dean nodded in approval. He was more of an '60's music fan. He liked Elvis and the Beatles. He could sing all the words to Rubberneckin' by Elvis, or Yesterday by the Beatles, Tiny Dancer by Elton John, even Bad Moon on the Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival. Dean loved the '60's music.

He had, of course, heard Man In The Mirror, it was a very inspirational song. If everyone looked in the mirror and changed one thing about themselves for the better of the world, we could achieve true peace.

They talked more, they talked about their family, well Cas did, he already had known about Dean's because he was friends with Sam. Dean learned about how Castiel had and an older brother named Michael who was currently serving for the Coast Guard. He learned that Castiel's dad was a pastor and his mother worked as a school teacher in Augusta, Maine. He learned that Castiel had a career as a cryptographer. Which he explained to Dean that he basically figured what hackers do to get into our private information and stop them. Which is way cooler then Dean's job as a college English Professor.

Neither of the men got any dessert from the cheap Italian restaurant. The date was a success, though. The walk hand in hand out of the Oliver Garden. Castiel walked Dean to his car, where the stood in the fifty-degree weather, talking. The talked for another ten minutes. Castiel grabbed Dean's hand, writing his phone number on the palm of Dean's hand.

The two men stared at each other for a long moment before Castiel grabbed Dean's face and placed his lips upon Dean's. Dean melted like a popsicle into Cas. They kissed for what felt like an eternity. Dean could feel Cas's softly lips on Dean's. All he could feel was warmth flowing through him. It was Cas who pulled away first, Dean followed Castiel's lips for a moment, causing Cas to chuckle.

"Patience," Castiel chuckled. "Call me Dean," Cas winked and walked away to his car.

 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

It had been days since their date and Dean hadn't called Castiel yet. He was nervous about it. A few of his students had noticed how happy he had been recently and had asked him about it. Dean just told them that he was on the brink of a new relationship.

Dean lies in bed with his phone over his face. His thumb hovering over the call button. Yesterday when he saw his brother after Sam had finished work at the airport ( he was a security officer ), he had told Dean to man up and call him.

Now Dean wanted to call Castiel so bad, yet couldn't bring himself to hit the call button. He finally forced himself to push the button. He brought his phone to his ear, hearing the phone ring. It only rang about four times when he heard it.

It was deep and husky, the sound of someone he had kissed only a few days ago. "Hello?"

Dean could feel his heart beating in his chest. His heart is a bomb, it was close to an all out explosion. His breath hitched for a moment. "Hey Cas," Dean said breathlessly. It was silent for a moment. There was a lot of shuffling around for a moment. He heard a door close and something drop. "Cas? Is this a bad time?"

"No, no," he heard Cas pause for a moment. "I just had someone from, uh, work over. I thought I saw something with a program but I didn't, she just left."

I nodded even though he couldn't see anything. "I understand," he paused for a moment. "Sorry I didn't call you sooner," Dean apologized.

The two boys talked for another two hours, they were deep in conversation when Dean had to go back to the school to for a teachers meeting, but Dean was a lot happier. The two boys started to call and text each other every day. They knew each other's work schedules, it was the beginning of what would hopefully be a great relationship.

 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
Are you sorry we drifted apart? Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day?  
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••


	2. Chapter 2

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart? Do your chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?  
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Dean lied on Castiel's bed, with Cas sound asleep next to him. Dean loved the way Castiel would sleep. He would fold himself into a half ball and tucked one of his hands under his head, the other one would be pulled into his chest. When they spooned, Cas, who was more dominant in their relationship, would be the small spoon.

Dean had one of his arms draped across Cas' waist, his hips were pressed against Castiel's butt. He could feel Cas' body heat radiating off him.

Dean closed his eyes, savoring the feel of the bare back against his bare chest. He felt Cas' body move slightly with every breath. Dean opened his eyes again. The blinds were open in the slightest way so they could see the sky, but that was it. It was the way Cas liked it. When Dean asked, Castiel told him that he liked to look at the stars, and when it stormed the lightning.

With a small sigh, Dean pushed the covers off his body. He swung his legs off the side of the bed. The bottoms of his sweatpants had rolled up to his knees in the night. Dean reached down and pulled them down with a small sigh. He stood up and walked to the bathroom. He turned on the sink, running his toothbrush under the water, then he added toothpaste, then ran the brush under the water again. Dean started to brush his teeth when he felt a hand reach out and grab the amulet around his neck.

Dean looked over at his boyfriend. Yes, Dean finally started calling Cas his boyfriend after the fourth date they had. They didn't do that formal asking to be each other's boyfriend, they just started calling each their boyfriend. Dean had known he'd been bisexual, but he'd never had a boyfriend before. He liked it.

Cas had a soft lazy smile on his face. "You've never told me about this," he said fingering Dean's amulet. Cas' voice was still husky sounding. His hair was messy. It was messy from Dean's fingers running through it when they made out.

Dean spits the toothpaste into the sink. He rinsed off his toothbrush silently, not meeting Cas' eyes. "I was a Christmas present from Sam," He cleared his throat. "He gave it to me when I was twelve."

Cas made a small hum. Dean could tell he wasn't pleased with the answer, but Dean had a hard time opening up about his childhood. Or his past in general. Sam had let it slip to Cas that Dean didn't have the cleanest past. Cas know about how Dean had been caught stealing when he was sixteen and spent a summer at a boys home; Cas knew about had Dean had a drug issue his first two years in college.

Cas knew a few things, mostly bad things, but he didn't know the good... He didn't know about Lisa. He met Lisa his last year in college when he was doing his student teaching at the University. She was in the class he was student teaching. She was beautiful, and she would flirt with him in front of the rest of the class, embarrassing him greatly. Of course, that was just the start of their relationship.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Dean's voice racked with concern, the concern that make Castiel smile internally. Cas pressed his warm lips into Dean's shoulder gently. He felt Cas start to bite of it, causing him to gasp.

Cas pulled away from Dean's shoulder slowly. He put his hands on either side of Dean's hips, pinning him against the bathroom counter. Dean felt his breath hitch, which Cas noticed. Castiel smirked, he brought his head up, kissing down Dean's throat, he found Dean's sweet spot right above his collarbone, sucking gently. Dean closed his eyes, leaning his head back ever so slightly. He let out a small moan.

Cas pulled away with a smirk. "No, you didn't wake me, babe." He reached his hand up to Dean's face, running his thumb over Dean's cheekbone. Castiel lowered his voice. "I do like that sound you made, though,"

Dean was still a little breathless. His head was spinning faster than the wheels on the Impala. He gave Cas a small, shy smile. "I like to please you, sweetheart." Dean bent hid head down and gently placed a kiss on Cas' lips before slowly dropping down to his knees.

Dean placed a soft kiss on his right his bone, then planted kisses all the way to the left hip bone. Cas placed a hand on the back of Dean's head. Dean slowly pulls down Cas's grey sweatpants. He rubbed Cas through Cas' briefs. Castiel let out a small moan, letting Dean get him hard. Dean pulled down Castiel's briefs, letting his cock spring out. He teased the head, licking away the precum. Dean then took Cas' whole dick in his mouth.

Castiel had his eyes closed, his head thrown back as Dean's warm mouth wrapped around him. His hips buckled into Dean's mouth. A few swears tumbled out of Cas' mouth. Cas pushed Dean's head further on his dick until Dean's gag reflex started, and that was when Castiel came. He came into Dean's mouth.

Dean swallowed and stood back up, pressing a kissed onto Cas' mouth. Cas was still catching his breath, he was lean against the baby blue wall, his eyes closed. "I'll meet you in the kitchen, sweetheart," Dean said with a smile, walking out of the bathroom.

Dean walked over to were some of his clothes were kept, changing into something much more appropriate than just low cut sweatpants. Dean put on some jeans and his tan flannel.

Dean made his way out of the bedroom and to the kitchen in Cas' apartment. He turns on the coffee machine, making Cas' green tea. Tea and coffee weren't Dean's thing. Coffee, in general, wasn't Dean's thing. He was more of a hot chocolate type of guy. Cas didn't have any hot chocolate here, so Dean brought over some.

Dean put a mug of milk in the microwave for two minutes. He had never really liked coffee, but the younger Winchester brother loved it. What was Sam having for breakfast? Coffee. What drink does Sam want Dean to pick up for him? Coffee. Dean offers Sam something to drink, what does he want? Coffee. Castiel only liked his tea in the morning.

When the microwave beeped Dean pulled out the cup, pouring the hot chocolate powder into it. He mixed it around with a spoon while he pour a tea bag in some hot water for Cas. In a few short minutes, Castiel himself appeared, taking the tea bag from Dean.

Cas squinted his eyes slightly as Dean took a sip of his hot chocolate. Dean tapped his foot along to the beat of Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations. It was only shortly until Dean was full out singing to it, making Cas dance along to the song with him. Cas chuckled softly, dancing with him.

"Castiel Novak, ever since I met you, know one else has been worth thinking about." Dean declared loudly. "You're the most amazing man I have ever met,"

Cas smiled sadly, looking at his feet. "Dean..." He started, looking up at him. "Dean, you clearly haven't met yourself." Cas' blue eyes gazed into Dean's green ones. "I mean you know exactly what I'm going to order at any restaurant, and you know how I make my tea, you're amazing too Dean."

Dean smiled widely, leaning down and pressing his lips against Castiel's. They kissed for what felt like an eternity in that small kitchen. After they're warm lips left each other, somehow they made their way to the living room.

Dean somehow got up, getting some papers and a pen, grading papers. The assistant Dean had handed out was an opinionated essay. They had a rubric, but the summary of what they had to write was they had to pick any topic in the world and express their opinion on in.

Dean read some essays about how cheese pizza was better than vegetable pizza, but he also read some on how we, as Americans, need to let Syrian fugitives into the country.

Dean picked out his top three favorite essays and put them to the side for that student to read aloud to the class. He read them to Cas, who was working on the computer. He had this goofy smile on his face. He said his co-work was just making some inside jokes that he wouldn't get. Dean nodded and continued his grading.

Dean would look up to see his boyfriend's goofy smile, causing him to smile. Dean knew he was slowly falling for the blue eyed boy.

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there? Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again? Tell me, dear, are you lonesome tonight?  
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••


	3. Chapter 3

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
I wonder if you're feeling lonesome tonight. You know someone said that the world's a stage  
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

The music was loud. It pounded into Dean's head. He stood away at the wall, trying to stay out of everyone's way. He wasn't much of a party person, but Cas wanted him to come to this club with him and he couldn't say no to Cas' puppy eyes.

Dean didn't even know were his boyfriend was. They'd been dating now for four and a half months, he expected Cas to at least try to stay with him a club.

Women kept trying to force themselves on Dean, making him want to throw up. Dean felt like breaking down. He was alone in this club, with sweaty drunk women, and a throbbing head. Dean wanted to just curl in a ball and cry.

He hadn't gotten this worked up in years. Dean was starting to panic. He started to walk to the door to get some fresh air when he finally saw him. There was Cas, taking shots, his arms around some women's shoulder. He was smashed, Dean realized.

Dean made his way to his hammered boyfriend. Pushing past people, making his way to his boyfriend. When he reached Cas, he didn't even notice Dean. Cas went to take another shot, but Dean put his hand on top of Cas' stopping him from taking it. "I think that's enough, Castiel," Dean yelled softly over the loud music.

Castiel scowled angrily. "Don't be a fucking cock block, Winchester," he shoved Dean's hand away from his and took the shot. The dark haired woman Cad had his arm around just laughed. "Try again tomorrow," she said bitterly.

Dean shook his head. "I'm his boyfriend," he explained to the woman, who just rolled her eyes in response. Dean closed his eyes and counted to ten slowly. "Cas, let's take you home,"

Castiel just snickers. "I want to stay Dean!" He yelled like a child. Dean sighed rubbing his face. He sat at the stool and hid his face in his hands. The bartender looked at Dean sadly.

Dean felt like he was with Lisa again. His reasoning didn't stand for anything. Dean was stressed out. He didn't know what to do. He cared about Cas a lot. He couldn't just let him drink away into nothing. He lifted his face out of his hands, looking at his intoxicated boyfriend. Cas was staring at him, sadly, it seemed like it.

Dean offered his hand to his drunk boyfriend, who took in slowly, carefully, as if examining it. Castiel pulled away from the dark haired woman. "Hey Dean," Cas said softly.

Dean stood up. "We're leaving," He stated, pulling Cas to the doors of the club. Castiel stumbled along behind him, trying to keep up with Dean. When they finally got outside to Dean's car, Cas broke down crying.

Dean opened his arms, into which Castiel fell into them. Cas sobbed into Dean's shoulder and Dean rubbed Cas' back gently. The same way that he did to Lisa before things got out of hand.

Lisa had many breakdowns before their relationship spiraled. Instead of crying she would start to beat Dean. Her small slaps and shoves turned to kicks and punches and thrown beer bottles. After her meltdowns, she's cry and apologize and tell Dean that she'd never do it again. If Dean was honest, he'd probably still be with her if it weren't for Sammy.

Cas pulled away, looking up at Dean with his big, blue, blotchy eyes. "I don't deserve you, Dean," he mumbled. Dean just shook his head and helped Cas into the impala. "I treat you like crap," Castiel let out a small sob. Pushing Dean's hands away. "Haven't you figured it out, Dean! Why haven't you realized the terrible things I do you-you!" He yelled at Dean through his sobs.

When Dean finally got him situated. He shut the door and walked to the drivers side and got in on that side. Dean let the impala purr to life when he started it. He put in a tape of songs that were relaxing. "You're drunk, Cas."

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Dean sat in the living room, watching animal planet when Cas stumbled out of bed. He heard his boyfriend grumbling, and he just held up water and some pills. Castiel gratefully took them from Dean.

Dean used to do this for his father. John would stumble into the house, high or intoxicated or both. John would give Dean a good verbal beating before passing out on the couch, then when John would awake, Dean would have a glass of water and some pills for John.

Cas sat on the couch, cuddling into Dean's side. "Turn it down," Cas said taking the remote from Dean and turning the volume down until he was satisfied with the volume. Castiel looked up at Dean. "You're not mad at me?" He whispered.

Dean shook his head. "I could never be mad at you Castiel Sydney Novak." Dean declared. "I like you too much to be mad at you over something as silly as getting drunk."  
Dean had felt with plenty of drunk people in his life to not be mad at Cas for getting drunk.

Castiel smiled softly up at his boyfriend. "I dragged you to a club, forced you to do something you didn't want to." Cas straddled Dean's waist. He leaned down and pressed his lips down on Dean's. "I should make it up to you Dean Winchester."

All Dean could do was moan quietly. He felt Cas reach into his boxers, rubbing him. Dean closed his eyes, head leaning on the couch. Cas started to give him a hand job. Cas increased his speed as his stroked Dean. Dean was a moaning mess beneath Cas.

When Dean's hot liquid squirted out of him, all he could do was pant. His eyes were closed, but he could still hear Cas's soft chuckle. Cas moved up to Dean's face and gave Dean a soft gentle kiss. Cas moved away, grabbing a few paper towels. Castiel started to clean up his boyfriend.

After Cas was done cleaning up, Dean opened his green eyes. "Cas?" He whispered. The baby blue-eyed man looked at him. "Castiel Novak, I fucking love you."

"Dean..."

"You don't have to say it back, sweetheart." Dean whispers, slightly hurt by Cas, but understanding at the same time. "I just wanted you to know. I know how you can get that feeling sometimes that know one likes you, well I love you, and I will always love you, so you don't ever have to feel that way again. Just think of me and know that I love you." Dean took Cas's hand in his, gently kissing it.

Castiel smiled sadly. "You won't always love me, Dean," He said back to Dean. "But nonetheless, thank you."

 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
And each must play a part. Fate had me playing in love, you as my sweetheart.  
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••


	4. Chapter 4

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance,  
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Castiel dragged his boyfriend into the store, the sweetest smile was on Dean's face that he couldn't deny his man the pleasure of going in. Cas looked around in awe, before pulling Dean to a section of the store. He started to things up with the happiness expression on his face.

It was rather cute. The way he would pick up books made Dean realize how much the large tomes actually meant to his boyfriend. He just looked at Cas' beautiful, adorable face and smiled softly.

Dean himself pick up a couple books, looking over them carefully, reading the synopsis, before setting them back on the shelf with a small sigh. Castiel was bouncing up and down the store, carrying a few books in tow.

Six months. They've been dating for six whole months. It was an amazing. When they'd go gave at the stars, go get some coffee, or just laying in bed at Cas' apartment, Dean felt lighter than he had ever felt in his whole entire life. He loved loving Cas. He'd do anything for this man.

Not to mention the sex. Dean had a sex life before Cas, but Dean has never had sex with someone so talented. The way he uses his tongue on Dean's body... It was heaven on Earth.

Cas hadn't had any breakdowns since he had the one after coming home from the club. Dean had asked Cas many times what he meant by Cas wasn't treating him well. Dean felt he was treated very well.

Cas had also said he loved Dean. Dean hadn't said since the day post the club event, but Dean was in Cas' kitchen making some grilled chicken to put into his Caesar salad, when Cas walked in, leaning on the wall.

"Hey, Dean?" He asked softly. Dean answered with an 'hmm?' Or a mumbled 'What?' He couldn't remember which one. "Dean, I love you too." Cas had whispered. Dean whipped his head around, almost cutting his thumb with the knife. Dean proceeds to lean forward and kisses his lover's sweet, pink lips.

Here Dean was now, at some Barnes and Nobles bookstore. Letting his boyfriend picks out some books. He loved Cas so much, so that was why he was going to buy Cas all these books. Dean was going to buy Cas every single one.

Cas had just finished reading the last one he had at his apartment, so Dean figured he'd take him to the store. Watching Castiel run around the store was like watching a child in the toy aisle of Target. It was sort of cute.

Cas told Dean to pick out a book here, too. He himself wasn't that much of a reader, but he would find one book, just to please his loving boyfriend.

He was looking around. He was just going to find one book with an interesting cover and synopsis. He saw some, but they were quiet long looking.

Then he found it. The book he would buy. It was interesting enough. It was about a boy who gets a box of tapes from a girl who committed suicide. Each tape had a reason why she killed herself. He's on the tapes, but he doesn't know why. It's called Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher.

He picks it up, tucking it under his arm and ran to find his beloved boyfriend. When he did, he found Cas with three books in his arms, all he could do was laugh.

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

It never accrued to Castiel that someone could be in love with him. Dean was more than just a casual sex partner, he was his boyfriend. Cas had never dated anyone before. Now that he was, he felt guilty for all the hoard things he's done to Dean.

Yet he couldn't stop his habit. Cas can't stop himself. It wasn't fair to Dean, Cas would tell himself, yet he still did it.

And he knew that he was going to let Dean slip through his fingers.

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Dean had his head in Cas' lap. His eyes were on the TV, watching the news. They were talking about the Afghanistan War. The were talking about how they were slowly moving troops out of the country.

Cas was running his hands through Dean's hair slowly. Dean's lips parted slightly as Cas ran his head over a spot on Dean's scalp, causing him to sigh.

Dean Winchester loves Castiel Novak. Cas loved him too. It was the best feeling anyone could hope for. He was on top of the world. He was going to love Cas more than he loved anyone. Cas was his one and only. Forever and Always.

Dean grabbed Cas' hand, bringing it to his mouth and pressed a gentle kiss to it. "I love you, Castiel Novak." He locked his bright green eyes on Cas' baby blue ones. Emeralds on sapphires.

Cas smiled his small, cute, smile. He brought a hand to his lips, kissing one of Dean's hands. An explosion of butterflies erupted in his stomach. He felt like he was in High School all over again. "Quote something beautiful, Dean."

Dean smiled and thought for a moment. There were so many different quotes that he could say. "'And out of the blue, there you were.'"

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
You read your line so cleverly and never missed a cue.  
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••


	5. Chapter 5

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
Then came act two, you seemed to change, you acted strange.  
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Dean sat on the couch, knees pulled to his chest. He moved in with Cas two weeks ago. They loved each other, that was all he could think about. When Dean was finished teaching his classes, he came back to their apartment and made dinner for the two of them. Cas would be home within the hour and they'd eat together.

But it had been a few hours since he was normally would. At first, Dean thought it was traffic. Then he thought Cas just got caught up with his work. But now... Dean didn't know what to think.

Dean didn't want to eat without Cas, but he was so hungry that he did. He felt awkward with Cas making crappy jokes the whole time. He didn't know what to do with his feet not playing with each others feet under the table.

Looking over at the table, Dean felt a wave of sadness slam into him. He felt a punch to his stomach. He stared at his boyfriend's plate. Dean finally couldn't stand it anymore and stood up. He walked over to the table, grabbing the plate and some plastic wrap. He wrapped the plate in the wrap. Tears blurred in his eyes as he put the plate in the fridge. When he shut the refrigerator, a tear slides down his face.

He quickly reached up, wiping it away. They'd been dating for nine months, it was only eight o'clock, there was no reason for him to be crying like a child.

He padded his way back to the couch, pulling out a notebook to work on his lesson plans for the next week. Every once in a while, he would glance at the door, only to shake his head a moment late at the silliness of being so dependent on Cas.

Then eleven o'clock came around. Dean finally grabbed his phone, dialing his boyfriend's number. It went to voicemail. That worried Dean, so he did it, and it went to voicemail again. He did it one more time, and Cas picked up on the third ring.

"Dean," he said a little breathlessly. "Is everything okay? I'm busy at the moment," he said as if he was in a rush. Dean thought he heard something else. Maybe Cas was just breathing hard into the phone, he did the sometimes.

But Cas just brushed Dean off. He felt like a silly middle schooler who couldn't handle his crush avoiding him. Dean forced down the lump in his throat. "I was worried about you," Dean said softly. "It's late." He felt like an idiot after stating it.

There war some shuffling. He heard Cas mumble something, but he couldn't make out what it was. Cas was a fine as he could be. Dean felt his chest grow tighter, which he felt weird about. He thought Cas being okay would make him feel better.

"We found a breakthrough in the code words, I probably won't be home for a few hour, babe." He sounded strange, he didn't have his normal, calm, husky voice. It was a weird, panicked, rushed voice.

"Okay-"

"Listen, Dean, I've got to go," Cas' voice rang out over the phone, his voice catching slightly. Dean felt a ton of bricks come piling on top of him. Castiel wasn't normally this... This way.

"I love-"

"Bye." Cas cut Dean off before hanging up quickly. Dean felt another blow to his chest. He felt like his lungs stopped working. He began to breathe harder, trying not to break down.

Cas had just brushed him off. Work had never been so important to Cas before. It confused him. Dean stood up, stumbling to the bedroom.

He kept the lights off when he got in the bedroom, pulling off his shirt, pushing off his jeans so he's just in his boxers. He crawls into the bed, squeezing his eyes shut, blinking back tears.

He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to. It wasn't like Cas broke up with him or was cheating on him, Cas was working. He had an important job in society, without him, many people would be hacked.

Dean rolled over, letting himself relax into the bed. He got into a comfortable position and slowly drifted into a dreamless sleep.

 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Dean was awoken suddenly. He had no idea what time it was, but it was late. He looked up, there was a face by his. Dean almost screamed out.

"Shh," he recognized the voice. It was Cas. Cas was finally home. Dean practically cried with joy.

"You're home," Dean whispered softly. "I made you dinner, it's in the fridge." Dean heard Cas chuckle.

Cas leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on Dean's temple. "Go back to sleep, babe." The bed dipped as Cas made his way into it. Cas snuggled into Dean. He smelt like booze, but Dean was too far gone to have commented and fell back into his slumber.

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Each word cut Cas deeper and deeper. Dean was too caring. It was too hard to not look at Dean and feel guilty, but he did, and he would forever live with that guilt of lying to the only person who has loved him the way Dean loves him.

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
And why, I'll never know.  
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••


	6. Chapter 6

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
Honey, you lied when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you.  
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Dean sat with his chin resting on his chin, staring at his students. The room was filled with silence for they were taking a test. He let out a small sigh.

 

Cas left this morning for Washington DC for a business trip. They didn't part on good terms with each other. Last night they were fighting about how Cas was always coming home late. The fought about of Dean never saw him anymore. They had said some hurtful things to each other.

 

Cas ended up storming out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Some neighbors complained about it, the cops showed up. Dean had apologized about what happened. When he said 'fight with my boyfriend,' they gave him a dirty look.

 

Dean stayed up until three in the morning, waiting for Castiel to come back. He didn't though. His plane left at six thirty a.m. He left before they could make up.

 

It wasn't the best of their relationship. It upset Dean. All he could think about was calling Cas and apologizing over and over and over. He sobbed for an hour after Cas stormed out.

 

He had no idea where Cas went. Most of the night he was worried that Cas would do something stupid, like drink until he was completely gone. He was worried that he would get a phone call saying that Cas was hurt in a bar fight or a car accident.

 

This was how Dean's fights with Lisa started out. Before she started abusing him. Well... She was abusing him, emotionally only at the time, though. He would ask her not to do something, then she would freak out and start screaming at me. Dean wouldn't fight back, he stood back and took her the shit he was given, only after she left he would cry.

 

He had called and texted his boyfriend before the class had started, but Cas refused to pick up. Lisa would get like this too. But it was because Lisa was cheating on him. Cas was just on a plane, now he was probably in a meeting or working on some project in DC.

 

It wasn't until a test was slammed in his desk that he was pulled out of his thoughts. It was only then that Dean realized the stack of papers on his desk that need to be graded. Finished tests... From this class period. Dean swore under his breath. The last person had just turned in their test.

 

Dean stood up, walking to the front of the classroom. "We have a half hour left of class," He stated with his authoritative tone. It gets people to take him seriously, despite his appearance. His hair was messy, his tie was crooked, and he had bags under his eyes. "Let's have a class discussion."

 

Dean taught a fairly small class. It was his favorite class to teach. He grabbed a piece of chalk, bringing it to the chalkboard. He wrote DEATH PENALTY across the board. Turning back to the class he placed his hands on his hips. "Should the death penalty be allowed?"

 

A few hands shot up right away. It wasn't unusual. They had done many topics before. Opinionated topics of course. Dean turned back to the chalkboard and made a t-chart with a yes and no columns.

 

"Yes, Abbodon?" Dean asked, turning back to the class. The red head girl was incredibly smart. She had strong opinions on everything. She usually made a great starting point for the class.

 

She stood up. "I think it should." She puts her hands on her hips. "Keeping a lowlife prison alive is a waste to taxpayers money. Plus, criminals don't deserve to live." She stepped down the stairs, taking a piece of chalk, putting a tally in the 'yes' column.

 

Abbodon scanned the room. "Kevin," she called on before bouncing back up the stairs, navigating her way back to her seat.

 

Kevin stands, tall and proud. "No, because it doesn't make sense to kill someone for killing someone to show that killing is bad."

 

The conversation continues for the next half hour. The class ends and most of the class leaves. Dean is clearing the board and checking his wallet to see if he has enough money to pay Sam back for lunch today.

 

"Professor Winchester?" He heard a soft voice. He turned around and saw his student Jess. He raised his eyebrows a little. "You seemed a little... Upset today. I was wondering if you were okay,"

 

Dean's lips twitched into a small smile. "Long story short, I got in a fight with my boyfriend." Must of his students knew he was bisexual. He always told them at the beginning of the semester so they all knew. "But you shouldn't worry about it. I'm sure it'll all be better tomorrow."

 

Jess smiled softly. "Okay, Professor. Have a nice day." I mumbled a 'You too,' as my stomach growls. My face goes red in embarrassment.

 

Dean watches as Jess goes to leave the room, but a giant someone is stumbled in with subway and smacked right into her. Dean rushed over to help his brother and student.

 

Sam is bent over, apologizing over and over, blushing, helping Jess pick up her papers. When they stand up together, they stare at each for a moment before parting ways, but Dean knows the look of awe on Sam's face. "Sammy, leave the food. Her name is Jess, go talk to her." Dean says. Which was all the encouragement he needed before dashing after Jess.

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Smoke on the Water echoes through the room. Dean eyes open, then close again. It's early. He's tired, and it's the weekend. He grabs his phone from the nightstand and shoves hit up against his ear. "Hello?" He says a little harsher than he meant.

 

"Dean?" A soft voice from the other side makes him shoot up. It was Cas. Cas was calling him back. His heart filled with joy.

 

"Cas!" He exclaimed. "Cas, you don't know how sorry I am-"

 

He was cut off by a small chuckle on the other end. "I missed you too baby." Cas paused for a moment. "And I'm the one who should be sorry," He stated. "I shouldn't have fought with you. You only wanted me home earlier, it is a ridiculously silly fight." He paused for a moment. "I love you," he said tensely.

 

Dean assumed it was so tense because Cas was in a room with his friends. Dean knew how friends could be when you confess your love on the phone. "I love you too, sweetheart," He said with a smile.

 

We are young and our relationship will only blossom.

 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••   
But I'd rather go on hearing your lies, then living without you.  
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••


	7. Chapter 7

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
And know the stage is bare, and I'm standing there, with emptiness all around.  
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Dean stayed on the kitchen floor with his knees to his chest, sobbing. His shoulders shook violently, Sam sat next to him, rubbing his shoulders. Cas was standing in the doorway, looking extremely concerned for Dean. 

Cas played his role so well and it made Dean so angry. It wasn't right. How could he sleep at night? How could he slept next to him knowing what he'd down. Yet... Through the lies and false promises, Dean still loved him.

Dean had found out while Cas was taking a nap. He hung out when she told him, thinking it was a lie, but all the pieces fit, the way he forced 'I love you' or the way he would avoid Dean's eyes, or even if he was drunk enough, his continuous apologizes, saying how terrible he was to Dean. Dean hadn't realized he meant this. They were supposed to be in love.

He yelled out in colorful language, throwing the phone across the room. It had woken his boyfriend up. Castiel had asked Dean what was wrong, and upon seeing Cas, he broke down. When Cas touched his shoulders, trying to comfort Dean, he screamed at him to get away. Dean somehow made his way to the kitchen corner.

Cas notified Sam. Neither knew why Dean was so upset, but Cas stayed away, knowing that was what Dean wanted. Sam sat next to Dean, trying to get him to stop his balling. Sam's soothing words would calm Dean for a moment, but Dean would look back up at Castiel and just start sobbing again.

Eventually Sam started singing Hey Jude to Dean. That was what got Dean to get calm and stay calm. He let Cas come sit with Sam and him, but he shuffled away from his touches. 

He would see the flashes of hurt in Cas' eyes and feel bad for a moment. Eventually Sam left, leaving the two alone in silence. They didn't say anything for about an hour.

Cas started singing Are You Lonesome Tonight? By Elvis Presley. It made Dean's eyes well up again for a moment when Cas got to the ending of the song. He had forgotten how lugubrious the end of the song was. 

Castiel looked at Dean. The sky meeting the treetops. "What's upsetting you Dean?" He sounded so genuine. 

"'What I know give you now give you seems of little worth, but all on your making a sensible use of it.'" Dean whispered the quote to him.

The other man shook his head. "The Brother's Grimm, you've told me that one before. 'Step-by-step. That's how we'll get through this. One foot in front of the other.' Jay Asher." 

Dean shook his head. "I got a call," he whispered to Castiel. "From Meg Masters."

Then the book of information slid into the shelf called Castiel's mind. "Fucking bitch!" Cas yelled standing up, pacing for a moment before slamming his hand on the counter. "Fuck!" 

Dean felt tears rolling down his face. He saw Cas' shoulders shake, obviously sobbing. "I can't be with you anymore Cas."

Cas' head snapped to were Dean was sitting. He fell to the floor in front of Dean. "No no no, Dean I need you, I love you-"

"'Love is sweet, dearest Ned, but it cannot change a man's nature.'" He quoted from the Game of Thrones book. It was ironic because Ned Stark's sister was talking about how she didn't want to be with King Robert because she knew he would cheat on her. "You cheated on me!" He yelled at Cas.

"Yes- no. I told her to leave me alone, I need you Dean, you're the only one I love." Cas lamented. "Maybe for a few months we were together and I was still sleeping with Meg, but I broke it off, I need to be with you, Dean."

Dean wiped the seldom tears from his face. He shook his head. "You cheated on me Cas! I don't want to be with you anymore!"

 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

There were a lot of people who called Dean by his name, but only two made it sound special. He lost one of them a week and half ago. It was Sam and Cas. Now Cas was gone.

Dean was a mess. He was listening to sad music and crying. It was the one thing he hated most a chick flick moment. Everything reminded him of his former boyfriend. The sky, Liv when Lowell died, toast, computers, and every song he listened to. It was fucking depressing.

Sam went back to get Dean's things for him. But one night he drank himself away. The whisky made him call Cas. And he picked up on the first ring.

"Dean?" He was almost breathless.

"I love you, Cas." 

He heard a small sob. "I love you too Dean, but you can't love me anymore, okay? We both know that you're better off with someone else."

"Okay Cas."

Then Cas hung up and it was over.

 

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
And if you won't come back to me, make them bring the curtain down.  
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••


	8. Epilogue

Epilogue 

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again.  
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

*Nine Years Later* 

Dean was in bed when he heard his ringtone from the nightstand. He grumbled a little bit, rolling away. He tried not to wake up his sleeping wife. Without checking the caller ID, he brings the phone to his ear. "Hello?" He said gruffly into the phone.

The person on the other side lets out a small sob. "Dean, I need you." Dean shot up, like the way people do in movies when they have a nightmare. It was Castiel Novak.

The one person the broke him into tiny pieces. But... Even after nine years, he would always have a piece of his heart reserved just for Cas, even after he cheated on him. Just like he will always have a piece of his heart reserved for Lisa, even if she abused him, even after twelve years.

Dean had his pictures of Cas stored away in a box. His son, his five year old son, Austin, had found the box under the bed in his room. Dean was planning the next semester for school when he heard a soft, "Daddy?"

Dean turned around and smiled at his son softly. There was nothing more important to Dean than Austin. He was the one person, besides Sam, who would love him unconditionally. He couldn't even trust his wife, Jo, to love him until death due them part, even if they are married. "Yes?" He asked his son.

Austin handed him a photograph of Cas and Dean, it was a picture Cas took with his polaroid, they were lying in bed, after sex, their hair was messing and they looked so satisfied to be together.

Dean stared at the picture, tears welling in his eyes. "It's... An old friend of Daddy's." He said to his five year old son. "He and I... We couldn't be friends anymore because something bad happened," he explained to his child. "And it made Daddy really sad, so Daddy had to say goodbye,"

Dean set the photo to the side, pulling his son into his lap. "Is Daddy still sad?"

The young boy looked up at his father with such sadness. Almost like he couldn't stand for Dean to be sad. "Sometimes." Dean answered. "But now I've got you and Mommy to keep me happy."

Austin reached up, kissing his father's cheek. "Know you can't be sad. I gave you a kiss and made it all better," Dean chuckled. He went back to his work, Austin still in his lap. He hummed Hey Jude as he went.

But now Cas called him for the first time in nine years. Dean stood from the bed, walking out of the room, careful not to wake his sleeping wife. "Cas? Why are you calling me?"

He heard shuffling on the other line. Someone was talking. "I... I miss you. I still need you," he paused for a minute. "I know you're married Dean, but I'm a selfish asshole, I still need you Dean. I still love you. So I was wondering... Are you lonesome tonight?"

 

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••  
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?  
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••


End file.
